Dear Severus
by Astronomixicalixa
Summary: Lockhart has a secret. A big one. And all he can do is write letters about it... poor Gilderoy. You've gotta feel sorry for him.


_Dear Severus, _

_Gilderoy Lockhart here, five times winner of the _Witch Weekly Charming Smile Award_. Oh yes- I, Gilderoy Lockhart am writing to _you!_ It's an honour, I know. But don't get too excited. We wouldn't want you to exert yourself, would we? Hahahahaha, Great Scott, the things I come out with!_

_Now Severus, this might surprise you, but I have something to say that may sound a wee bit odd! The fact that I, Mr Famous, am _here_ is already surprising enough! What more could anybody want? I shock myself with how celebrated I am sometimes. Well, actually, no I don't but still! It would be nice to sit down with a cup of Peppermint Tea occasionally and _not_ get asked for my autograph! I only have so many signed photos! _

_Ah, now for the _nub._ The _gist_ if you understand me. Severus, you must understand that I get a lot of female attention. Well, why wouldn't I? I am rather charming if I do say so myself. Good looking, intelligent, wonderful on the Quidditch field… is there no end to my talents? I've heard you yourself are quite clever old sport, but believe me, without my fame you're nothing. _

_So this may er… come as a bit of a revelation. Although I have dabbled fairly in my sexuality as a straight man, as there is nothing quite like a woman, I have finally decided to offer myself to you. Sexually, I mean. I just wanted to s_

Lockhart ripped the parchment in half, and tossed it into the bin. Too full of himself, he thought. Snape might get angry and then he would never realise that he, Gilderoy Lockhart loved him, and had loved him since school.

_It had been awful. Just standing there, watching… sometimes laughing with the rest. They say you can't help who you fall in love with. Ha, try saying that when love doesn't fit into 'normal'. Do you know how hard it is to keep something _that_ close to your heart? Something that you couldn't tell your friends, or your parents because it would cause such a searing, shameful pain? Do you know what it's like to look at the stars and just see one face staring back at you, wishing that it would become right, that if anything happened the trees wouldn't stop growing, the sun wouldn't stop shining, that two worlds wouldn't be destroyed? _

_Do you know what it's like to be homosexual? To know that you should be into girls but your gaze keeps wondering from the pretty blond in the crowd to the darker, weirder, _younger_ male hunched in the corner? Do you know what it's like to wish on every single raindrop that you can count that one day, one day he'll lift his head, stare into your eyes and realise that he'd been making a mistake for all these years?_

_Do you know what it's like to watch him become so infatuated with a girl that you can feel his silent screams radiate from every cell in his body? Do you know what it's like to want to tell him it will all be alright, and perhaps silent his sadness with a kiss? _

_Worse, do you know what it's like to hide something that awful? To pretend so much that you no longer look into a mirror and recognise yourself? What have I become? Who am I? I've changed into something that you'd never want, and that makes it worse because you never wanted me anyway. You wanted her, and you always will. That's what hurts. We all want something we can never have. _

To his surprise he had been scribbling. His usual curly, childish writing had become fraught and hurried- a sure sign that for once, Lockhart had lost control. His writing was almost a wall, a personality, a fake persona that hid all sorts of shameful secrets. This… this _script_ came from the soul, directly from the heart and Lockhart didn't like it. He hated how infantile it sounded, how accusing. _If I can't have you, nobody can. _

A short burst of flames, a couple of sparks and the shameful secret incinerated into the fire. Better. He picked up his quill.

_Dear Severus, _

_Ever thought about men? They're better than women, you realise. Oh yeah. You can give _AND_ you can receive..._

No way. Not a chance in this living, breathing hell. To be cursed to oblivion wasn't worth it. It wasn't like Lockhart had never tried a bit of SM but he did quite like all his limbs firmly in place after a sexual ride.

_Dear Severus,_

_I like you. Want a drink? I have Butterbeer…_

Urgh. Fizz, bang. Another letter gone.

_Dear Severus, _

_I know you love Lily, but as she's kind of dead would you mind meeting me in my office at seven o'clock? Tonight? _

"Professor! Professor Lockhart!" Madam Pomfrey's shrill scream echoed into his room. "Make your way to the staff room, quickly! A girl has been snatched and taken into the chamber!"

Dazed, Lockhart leapt to his feet. Chamber? Girl? What…?

Only pausing to throw the last note into the fire, Gilderoy hurried down the stone steps in Madame Pomfrey's wake, deciding he'd tell the rest of the staff he'd nodded off.

He'd finish the letter later. He wouldn't forget.

**A/N: Ah, Snockhart, the best gay pairing since Harry and Hagrid... Yes, this was _supposed _to be serious, and it is to an extent, but it kinda got a bit stupid, hahaha. And I couldn't resisit the 'I won't forget' joke at the end. It was impossible. Enjoy, and if you liked please REVIEW!**


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